Scotland's incomprehensible bard on Coffee

Rab C Nesbitt up to his usual string vested eloquence, this time in a coffee bar:

There you go. One tall latte.

What happened to small, medium and large?

Does it matter? It's the same thing.

Well if it's the same thing, why change it? Do you want me to tell you why it's not the same thing?

That's two pounds please.

That's it. That's your answer right there: two quid. For a half-cup of milky steam enhanced by a suggestion of coffee so meagre that it would make you think that you'd forgotten to wash the cup out after the last customer. The only tall thing about this boy is the size of the rip off.

Whatever. Have a nice day.

You're on a fiver an hour! What the hell do you care what kind of day I have?!

On the subject of coffee, the other day I found out that Costa coffee have a slightly bizarre fairtrade policy. The coffee they serve is not generally fairtrade, but on request, they will make you a fairtrade cup at no extra cost. Sound surprising? Well it's not. Apparently, a few years ago Costa jumped on the fairtrade bandwagon and began to offer fairtrade coffee to customers for 15p extra per cup. In fact, the proportion of the cost to Costa of a cup of coffee is so miniscule that tripling the price paid to farmers only increases the cost by a penny or so. What Costa were in fact doing was taking advantage of customers' willingness to pay a little extra to make 14p clear profit on every cup. Having been rumbled by consumers who mounted a widespread protest, they came up with their current policy.

Fairtrade wash or what?